I HONOR

IMG_6280

I honor how far I have traveled on this journey of life
I honor the journey, traveling, learning,
stumbling and picking myself back up

I honor that day by day
I explore how to live
with a life altering illness

I honor far I have traveled
the progress, the set backs
adjusting, again and again

I honor
my fear
my pain
my grief
my sorrow
my rage

I also honor my joy,
and bow down, with gratitude
for whatever force that made me
gifted me with hope

It sometimes seems hidden, but it is always there
a small slice of sunshine
in my sacred heart

It keeps me alive
striving, willing

I also know, and fully trust, it will guide me
when it is time to let go

I honor my vulnerability
my newfound willingness to step into it
how it shapes my voice and, my heart,
when I allow it to lead

The journey is long, we hope, and though rocky at times,
I honor that I still have dreams
sea, sand, waves
a wild fragrant garden

I honor how damn hard it is to be human
to really grow into becoming a human be-ing

It is not a given
it is day by day,
a practice

I honor that I am willing to do it
and all those who stand by me, and with themselves,
willing to do this rough, stubborn work
to reach the soft, tender heart of our humanity

With or without illness, pain or loss
this is how life is lived
day by day

I am learning
to honor my humanity
in doing so, learning to honor others
their journey, their path
it will not look like mine,
nor mine yours

It is a practice
moment by moment

honoring yourself
your life
your journey

 

*the image is from the Dust II Onyx A Melanated Tarot
created by Courtney Alexander

 

 

THE STAR

IMG_5565THE STAR- through a glass darkly

It has been a challenge to write this post. Last week, when I drew the Star for the Monday Mojo, I felt disconnected from this card, one that I so often welcome.

I needed quite some time to process what was feeding this struggle. After all on a personal level, I had just received good news from the western medicine side of my wellness regime, news that is in line with how I have been feeling, for the most part, from the inside out. My scans and tests confirm that the dis-ease process is ‘stable’ for now. This alone would signal the presence of The Star. Yet, I was also incapacitated with pain early in the week. If any of you have challenges with pain, you will understand what I mean. It is not simply a physical experience, it also clouds and confounds your thinking process. Through the wider lens of life, the world at large continues to crumble all around us; a circus show for a presidency, people’s welfare, healthcare and lives in the hands of a megalomaniacal clown. Let’s say I wasn’t ‘feeling’ the hope that is so often associated when The Star appears.

How this relates to the energy of The Star and what I wanted to offer as food for thought is that we/I, often receive the energy of her as a balm, signaling a respite after the storm. You see in the grand procession of the Major Arcana, The Star appears after we have passed through the trials of Death, The Tower and The Devil, So she ( I experience the card as feminine in nature) is most often received with a sigh of relief, inviting you to enjoy the shower of her rain light or to swim in the warm calm waters of her healing pool. This week, however, I was reminded that she often appears when we are going through the heart of the journey; a promise that carries us through the darkest part.

On the arc of this journey called life, from the moment of our birth, we begin to create our sense of self and our relation to the world; simultaneously, from this moment we are also walking with our inevitable passage to death. As we develop ourselves, constructing our I AM, the ego, there often comes a point, after a loss or crisis of some sort, where we begin sense the possibility for something more. Sensing there something more rarefied and jewel-like to be understood. We begin to strive for a sense of greater purpose, something beyond ourselves, to prove that our life has not been in vain. Most often this striving’ is still rooted in egoic desire. What we may not have bargained for, once one truly sets foot on this journey, are that the trials to be passed through are directly aimed at the foundation of what has driven your seeking; the ego itself. And if you are ‘doing it right’, your house will come down. This is not a punishment, this is the way of the path.

There are many stories and parables about this process of liberation from the ego; everything from the Bhagavad Gita to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and countless Zen Koans, but the thing that kept leaping out at me all week, saying ‘put your intellectual bullshit striving down’, was the scene from The Lord of the Rings when when Frodo receives the phial containing the ‘light of Eärendil’s star’ with the offering that it would ‘shine brighter when night is about’ and bring light to a dark place, when ‘all other lights go out’. Sometimes the Star appears in the middle of the storm, holding out her hand, saying look up, it’s not time to let go. Sometimes she is guiding you out of the darkness, handing you a magic light when everything else has gone dark.

These are some dark times we are passing through; for some of us personally, for all of us globally and politically. It affects each of us to varying degrees and in different ways. Do you have a phial of starlight, a helping hand, to extend to someone moving through a dark passage? Are you in need of support? Don’t hide or be ashamed, we are all in the giving role or receiving role at one time or another. These are the days to be humble, to set ego aside and be steady on the journey to your authentic self. These are also the days, for those who have the means, to support others and build your spiritual currency. Either way, be assured, once we pass through these rarefying trials the Star will appear to guide you home.