I honor how far I have traveled on this journey of life
I honor the journey, traveling, learning,
stumbling and picking myself back up

I honor that day by day
I explore how to live
with a life altering illness

I honor far I have traveled
the progress, the set backs
adjusting, again and again

I honor
my fear
my pain
my grief
my sorrow
my rage

I also honor my joy,
and bow down, with gratitude
for whatever force that made me
gifted me with hope

It sometimes seems hidden, but it is always there
a small slice of sunshine
in my sacred heart

It keeps me alive
striving, willing

I also know, and fully trust, it will guide me
when it is time to let go

I honor my vulnerability
my newfound willingness to step into it
how it shapes my voice and, my heart,
when I allow it to lead

The journey is long, we hope, and though rocky at times,
I honor that I still have dreams
sea, sand, waves
a wild fragrant garden

I honor how damn hard it is to be human
to really grow into becoming a human be-ing

It is not a given
it is day by day,
a practice

I honor that I am willing to do it
and all those who stand by me, and with themselves,
willing to do this rough, stubborn work
to reach the soft, tender heart of our humanity

With or without illness, pain or loss
this is how life is lived
day by day

I am learning
to honor my humanity
in doing so, learning to honor others
their journey, their path
it will not look like mine,
nor mine yours

It is a practice
moment by moment

honoring yourself
your life
your journey


*the image is from the Dust II Onyx A Melanated Tarot
created by Courtney Alexander





she nourishes with
plants, herbs & roots
marrow & blood

she sings through
drums, rattles
crystal bowls
& the talking stick

she listens
to rain pattering the eaves
silent stones
dried leaves underfoot

she travels to the edges of Self; the molten core and the infinite cosmos
sitting in silence at the inner altar

an altar of crystals shells, totems
it whispers; go deeper

she dives beneath the constructed mind as
smoke, plant medicine, dreams,
archetypal images and forgotten languages
open the inner channels

medicine woman
speaks with her eyes,
touches with her words
listens with her hands
sees with her heart

there is much to explore
there is much to share
meet her there


IMG_5684QUEEN OF CUPS – the contradiction of Yin

Water and winter are the most Yin, that is soft, feminine and receptive of times. This Queen of Cups, of water and as a queen, her natural element being water, brings us into a space of deep softness.

Or does it?

Water is soft, yes; receptive, yes; but it is also an element that carries massive power. Both in ways unnoticed and in ways that are unmasked, powerful, sometimes full of rage. From soft droplets of rain tenderly touching your upturned face, to tidal waves of tsunamis, destroying villages, shaping canyons and consuming shorelines. Water, the flow or lack of flow, also relates to our emotions, feelings and contributes to shaping both our conscious and subconscious perceptions about ourselves and others.

Before I proceed, I will reveal that this particular read on the lovely Queen of Cups is strongly infused with how her shadow elements have been being reflected in my world at this particular moment. Yet as I do not believe anything happens in a vacuum, the perspective I offer about a particular aspect of this queen, may be something we all have reason to consider or reflect upon, either personally or with regard to the state of the world we currently find ourselves in.

The Queen of Cups emerges, sensuously gliding out of the waters of our subconscious, a place we often refer to yet, I wonder, what do we really understand about the nature and purpose of this intangible place?

The subconscious mind is the storehouse of all of our experiences, the journey’s we’ve taken, sights, smells and tastes. The memory of different textures, the touch of the rain on our skin or the caress of a soft hand, or the sting of a slap or harsh words. All of it; it’s in there. It’s the store room of the art gallery of our life, where we go to pick and choose what pictures we might hang in the bedroom or what old serving vessel we want to dust off to serve guests bowl of soup. Our feelings and perceptions about the guest, their likes and dislikes. Oh and look over there, there is a little potion bottle, label half scratched off and the ink bled, you’re not so sure what’s in there, but it looks good and you’ve got guests coming so, why not?

The subconscious mind is that tricky little room where we store all the things we’ve learned and experienced. Useful things too, like driving a car or typing or chopping onions or even just walking; they can simply happen because those skills are stored and ready to go into action automatically and then we can also do other things, while not even having to THINK ABOUT what we are doing. It allows us to multi task. But because many other things are stored there, and over time without regularly seeing the light of day, or brought into our current reality, makes it a not so reliable resource.

So this lovely mistress of the depths, of this inner chamber, that holds the treasures of our life experiences, the perceptions we’ve formed and carried about ourselves and others; needs tending, pruning, updating. You know operation systems upgrades. But we don’t think about that. We aren’t taught to be skillful with our emotions, so suddenly those soft droplets of rain caressing your face become stinging hail or raging waters spilling over into every corner of your life. You see the unskilled, in the art of our emotional life, which is most of us, lack the ability of to be self reflective and to pause periodically to see what still ‘holds water’ around certain thoughts, ideas, or ways of being. So we create a minefield of misshapen, tilted and broken, his/her-stories, based on long expired concepts either about ourselves or what we perceive about the people in our lives.

We have all lived through times in our lives when we’ve just stood scratching our heads wondering, how did that recipe not turn out, or thinking ‘I am sure I packed that painting up’ or finger pointing behavior saying ‘I am certain that photo album was in YOUR care so where the fuck is it, how did you lose it?’ On and on, even leading to the elephant in the room; wondering how the hell we ended up with an orange ape* ‘running’, rather ruining, the world. In almost every case it’s because we’ve lost tabs on how this luscious, charming and compassionate Queen is managing that precious resource, our subconscious mind and, more importantly, how she is letting the information flow to the conscious mind.

Letting her glide along, gathering up experiences, helping others, applying balm to hurt knees and feelings, along the timeline of our linear experience, as well as many of the memories she goes back to retrieve, like the folk remedy for the bee sting or great aunt Ida’s lemon cake are pretty harmless, but if this Queen hasn’t invited over her friends, the Queen of Swords and the Queen of Discs over in a while, to help her clean out those cupboards, you could be in for a wild ride when you are sitting down to your brandy spiked tea trying to piece together information about the his/her story of the family tree or just telling stories about other people. So, although Mary White, the creator of the Mary-el Tarot,  assigns this Queen the deeply important purpose of being THE ONE who is the holder of ‘the ring, the sword, the symbol of your purpose in life and the reason you live’ , which sounds amazing and romantic; I’m wondering has she had the cleaning team over recently?

My point is, we are, all of us human, perfectly imperfect and this Queen rose up from the depths of her watery chambers for a reason over the last week; both personal and global. We all, at least those of us who took the red pill, are on that fast paced track of wonderment about ‘Why’ and How’’, ‘Who am I and What is my Purpose’, so we need to be vigilant about the stories the we tell ourselves and the ones we ‘hold’ about others. We need to get into that storehouse and check out what is in there, to vet it, to clean it out. That dress you rocked 20 years ago or even 2 years ago, it ain’t working anymore, and people know you have that thing down there, and they be like; ‘do you know she has that thing down there and what was she ever even thinking in the first place?’ And yes, it’s a dress, so what, but it’s not just the dress, it’s your ideas, things you went through, thoughts, ways of doing things, and all sorts of outdated and expired garbage that have nothing to do with who you are now, and simultaneously, it’s all the ‘stuff’ and thoughts you ‘hold’ about others. It all needs a big clean out once in a while. So, the next time you are sitting with someone, a friend, family member, thinking about your reasons for voting for this or that person, causes you champion; you can be certain you are seeing them NOW not through the thoughts or perceptions you had 2 or 20 years ago. I am just saying that place, that storehouse, you need to get in there STAT and get it in order. Not try to erase and go all ‘eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’ on your life and your journey; your mistakes and battles, they do make up a piece of the tapestry of your life, but they are likely not the threads you are still weaving.

I am not meaning to rat out this queen, I love her, I AM her in many ways, but, like I said, this one place, this domain that she presides over, requires some oversight, as we know, all rulers need a security council. Well that’s another essay, but you know what I mean.

No, we can not control what others think or say about us, but if you are an emotional being or if you live at all in the public eye, or even if you are on the journey of wondering ‘what kind of ancestor will I be?’ Then set your boundaries, attend to the sacred space of your life experiences, so that you can sit tall, have a direct gaze and speak eloquently and clearly about your OWN personal life story.

Through the tenderness and the heart of one’s personal life experiences, the vulnerability and the violations that many of us have lived through, many unheard, or perhaps even told to swallow our hurts like a bitter pill; this queen can be there to comfort you, just be sure she is hearing what you are saying in the NOW not listening from the untended storehouse of the subconscious mind. Ask yourself, who is your Queen of Cups? This queen can either enrich and season your soup to perfection or she can kill you with that mislabeled bottle of arsenic she pulled off the shelf.  Is she holding the gems of your heart and emotions and life experiences true? Or is it time to hire a clean up crew?


  • with no disrespect to our kin primates




IMG_5565THE STAR- through a glass darkly

It has been a challenge to write this post. Last week, when I drew the Star for the Monday Mojo, I felt disconnected from this card, one that I so often welcome.

I needed quite some time to process what was feeding this struggle. After all on a personal level, I had just received good news from the western medicine side of my wellness regime, news that is in line with how I have been feeling, for the most part, from the inside out. My scans and tests confirm that the dis-ease process is ‘stable’ for now. This alone would signal the presence of The Star. Yet, I was also incapacitated with pain early in the week. If any of you have challenges with pain, you will understand what I mean. It is not simply a physical experience, it also clouds and confounds your thinking process. Through the wider lens of life, the world at large continues to crumble all around us; a circus show for a presidency, people’s welfare, healthcare and lives in the hands of a megalomaniacal clown. Let’s say I wasn’t ‘feeling’ the hope that is so often associated when The Star appears.

How this relates to the energy of The Star and what I wanted to offer as food for thought is that we/I, often receive the energy of her as a balm, signaling a respite after the storm. You see in the grand procession of the Major Arcana, The Star appears after we have passed through the trials of Death, The Tower and The Devil, So she ( I experience the card as feminine in nature) is most often received with a sigh of relief, inviting you to enjoy the shower of her rain light or to swim in the warm calm waters of her healing pool. This week, however, I was reminded that she often appears when we are going through the heart of the journey; a promise that carries us through the darkest part.

On the arc of this journey called life, from the moment of our birth, we begin to create our sense of self and our relation to the world; simultaneously, from this moment we are also walking with our inevitable passage to death. As we develop ourselves, constructing our I AM, the ego, there often comes a point, after a loss or crisis of some sort, where we begin sense the possibility for something more. Sensing there something more rarefied and jewel-like to be understood. We begin to strive for a sense of greater purpose, something beyond ourselves, to prove that our life has not been in vain. Most often this striving’ is still rooted in egoic desire. What we may not have bargained for, once one truly sets foot on this journey, are that the trials to be passed through are directly aimed at the foundation of what has driven your seeking; the ego itself. And if you are ‘doing it right’, your house will come down. This is not a punishment, this is the way of the path.

There are many stories and parables about this process of liberation from the ego; everything from the Bhagavad Gita to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and countless Zen Koans, but the thing that kept leaping out at me all week, saying ‘put your intellectual bullshit striving down’, was the scene from The Lord of the Rings when when Frodo receives the phial containing the ‘light of Eärendil’s star’ with the offering that it would ‘shine brighter when night is about’ and bring light to a dark place, when ‘all other lights go out’. Sometimes the Star appears in the middle of the storm, holding out her hand, saying look up, it’s not time to let go. Sometimes she is guiding you out of the darkness, handing you a magic light when everything else has gone dark.

These are some dark times we are passing through; for some of us personally, for all of us globally and politically. It affects each of us to varying degrees and in different ways. Do you have a phial of starlight, a helping hand, to extend to someone moving through a dark passage? Are you in need of support? Don’t hide or be ashamed, we are all in the giving role or receiving role at one time or another. These are the days to be humble, to set ego aside and be steady on the journey to your authentic self. These are also the days, for those who have the means, to support others and build your spiritual currency. Either way, be assured, once we pass through these rarefying trials the Star will appear to guide you home.


swords II

TWO OF SWORDS- what are you choosing?

The one becomes two
If the Root didn’t take we may find ourselves blowing in the wind
And then from where do we make a choice
Seated firmly, blindfolded from distractions
The two is asking us to root, claiming that we must
And from there we make a choice, take a stand for what we need and want.

swords II mary-el

A space exists between each inhale and exhale that we take. A suspension. It is in this space, I sense, much of how we proceed in our life, what we choose to do, how we choose to act, the choices we make, unfolds and so this is what we become. We are, ultimately, an accumulation of what we have done and where we have been in our life. Right?

Of course not. We are much more than this, and that thing we may ultimately become; a reflection of our true self, the soul, becomes possible, in those quiet and imperceptible moments between the inhale and exhale. On either side of that lies our choices. What are you choosing to become? So, Yes we are an accumulation of our choices and more . Confused? That’s ok.

A classic depiction of the Two of Swords shows a figure, blindfolded, holding two swords, arms crossed, in front of the chest, obscuring the heart. What is happening here?

Often in life when faced with choice we sit, ponder, wait, forestall, meditate, consider, step back, turn our backs; basically decisions can be challenging. Many times, consciously aware or not, we don’t actually decide for ourselves, we allow the decision to be made for us. What we don’t acknowledge is, when we do this we are not only impacting ourselves, but also the person, situation or thing on the other side of that non-choice. It weakens us in every way.

Why are we so often waiting for things to ‘happen’ to us? For love, most prominently; the right fit for a job; our dream schedule or daily flow; on and on. We have been trained to not act; all of us, but especially women. We do it in love, career, friendships, family dynamics; with landlords; doctors; financial institutions and our politics. We wait. And let life happen. To us.

It is entrenched in our nervous system; we don’t want to disappoint, ruffle feathers, make waves. Somewhere along the way, way WAY back, we learned that we should make due with what was placed before us. And make due we do, becoming quite industrious, productive and even prolific; but we are usually acting in the shadows somewhere, in our minds or away from others, for fear our true desires and self cultivated resources will be revealed and likely striped, i.e. raped and pillaged and then co-opted by some patriarchal faction of this broken society. So, of course, our arms are crossed in front of our hearts, protecting ourselves and our hard won resiliency and resources. Some interpretations of this card, refer to it as ‘peace restored’.  Is it because the woman and her familiar, the moon, have sequestered themselves, gone within and are weaving their desires in hiding behind the blindfold? Holding it in, holding it close, making our way neatly, not making a mess with our process. Keeping our desires secret.

When you take this seat, are you meditating or hiding? If ultimately this ‘meditating, (if that’s what you are doing), doesn’t lead you to standing up and standing for the voice of your heart, that longs to sing out and free, then likely you are hiding, continuing to feed the beast that binds.  When the blindfold comes off the truth of what we really want is likely hidden, embroidered someplace secret; we emerge silent, never really having expressed what we wanted, the attenuated silence made the decision for us. This silent choice bleeds all over everyone, you, your friends, your family and on. Is this impact what you wanted?

The Two of Swords appears this week and asks you understand that rooting and being still in order to listen to your heart is different from hiding from your hearts desires and being afraid to speak your needs. When you blind yourself from seeing your own desires through, you impact the potential of those you love to do the same.

What in your life are you being passive about? When you release the swords of false protection you allow in the beauty of the heart’s language to have a voice. Your YES or NO is a voice for you, your kin and community. Let the swords uncross and become a charge to action.







IMG_5031Papa Gourd aka King of Cups- the guru within

You know him, or maybe that part of yourself, the one who reads poetry, or writes it; is a natural born healer, has strong empathetic vein running through the center; or a deep commitment to injustices towards human beings, across the borders of race, culture and income brackets; the one who is drawn to serve, and if not actively engaging it, is championing some cause through writing or art. The one who volunteers to hold premature babies at the local hospital or be at the side of the dying, or wanting to lean into this part of one’s nature. That person, or part of you, is kin to Papa Gourd.

Now if you just read that and thought, ‘I have no idea what you are talking about, nor do I know anyone who behaves in this way’; well then, I offer that you may be spinning your wheels in the wrong direction my friend. The thing of it is we are all, and I mean ALL, in need of a little Papa Gourd in our lives; especially these days.

Now I am hardly suggesting anyone quit their day job or their friends, though if you consider making a few tune ups to your current line up, some things may get cleaned up, or cleared out. Just sayin’

This is the quality of slowing down and realizing that most of the shit (stuff) that occupies your time and your mind, is just that, STUFF. And if you are reading this, meaning have the luxury or the inclination or the time, you likely have enough. Really. Me too. Meaning, yes that, but also I have enough.

After a while we choke on it, grow fat on it, our minds get muddled with it and our hearts grow cold. Man that’s depressing, but Papa is here, right by your side, waiting to be let in, or, woke. This is an invitation to experience softness, but also the fire of desire. A desire for equality and equanimity; for the things that have the potential to elevate us, the very things that distinguish us from most mammals, the possibility to create art and music and poetry; the part of us that wonders at the immensity of the universe and also the expanse of the human heart; the part of us that wants to heal and be healed by offering of ourselves. To experience and live into our potential for kindness and compassion.

Now look, there are always two sides to the coin and, when out of balance, Papa Gourd energy can also be self indulgent, a little lazy and yes a bit narcissistic, so beware of this, or the tendency to give just to be seen, but mostly I like to hold the thought that we are seeking to illuminate something positive within ourselves, or, to give gratitude to those in our lives that we recognize have these qualities.

So this week, look around, and look within, to notice and honor this gentle King. Make an offering or create some time, and perhaps a ritual, to commit to nurturing this part of you. Be gentle, run a bath, read some poetry, drink some tea or enjoy some fine wine or special chocolate. Nurture yourself first and let that sense of self care and pleasure and honoring of the senses, extend to others or other areas of your life. Have an intimate gathering where each person offers gratitude to another person in the room. Then perhaps each person extends compassion to someone not there, a person or group of people, or a cause, that needs compassion. Then a layer further out, extending this to something or someone that you have a very difficult time with.

This practice is a riff on Metta. I mean no disrespect to the original practice, and some of you may already engage in this practice personally, but for those who don’t know of it, this is a beautiful way to experience the boundless nature of the the human heart, so I think it is a service to extend it to anyone interested in it apart from a full on Buddhist practice.

Whatever you do, explore the part of you that desires to step into your own innate wisdom. Stop seeking outside yourself, or trying to collect it by acquiring more stuff. Slow down for just an hour, breathe, be near the water or even see The Shape of Water. Flow, let yourself flow.

‘Unable to perceive the shape of You, I find You all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with Your love, It humbles my heart, For You are everywhere.’


IMG_4767-what will you create?

It’s the New Year and the energy around this time of year is most often centered around New Year’s resolutions, intentions and the aspirations we hold for ourselves in the coming year. A lot of fire is in the air and, in many ways brightens and lifts up, the often heavy, earth bound qualities of early winter. This fire also serves as a reminder that, although we are just entering the barren season of cold, the light is indeed beginning to re-emerge.

Appropriately, the Seven of Flames, more typically known as Wands, comes forward as an energetic offering for this week. The Seven of Flames is not shy, Having just emerged from the six, where you have burst forth, perhaps from some past pattern or group paradigm, you are fresh and exuberant and hungry. Harness that energy and direct it toward something this week; really focus and I would almost assure you, headway will be made.

I sense the six through the eight of flames/wands as being energetically associated with Manipura chakra, the third chakra in the classic seven chakra scale. Manipura, translates as the City of Jewels and it is the place where one’s Will or I AM is honed and polished. Centered around the navel, this chakra governs the element of fire; fortifying your strength, vitality, stamina and ego. This seven is a card of individuation. The urge to break free of any lingering binds is strong and this ferocity could fuel both creative passions and any unattended anger.

Indeed the appearance of the Seven of Flames is an invitation to grapple with this tiger, harness the power of its haunches and ride out on the tamed energy, rather than be swallowed by the flames. In this way I would invite you to investigate the relationship of the seven of flames with major arcanum VII, The Chariot. This seven, like the Chariot can carry you forward on your journey. If you let the fire hone your rage and anger rather than consume you, the alchemical transformation will stoke the inner fires of creativity. With this seven you can begin to be carried beyond the bounds of acting to survive and into the realm of surviving to create and express yourself in the world.

In attending any fire, beware of over feeding it by biting off too many projects at once, creating a conflagration, or underfeeding it by being too timid to step forward.

This is the invitation to take a stand for what you desire and how you will express yourself; do not hesitate, harness this emerging energy, aligned with the slowly emerging light.  Step into the fire of your creativity, your intentions, and let the fire both shape you and urge you forward.  This week what will you focus on activating from your myriad intentions?

‘Tell me, what is it you plan to do With your one wild and precious life?’
– Mary Oliver


IMG_4465THE FOOL -the space between inhale and exhale

A query in one of the Instagram challenges I have engaged with this December asks: What has transformed in 2017? The card that came forward is The Fool.  As Grand Master Lu often reminded us, when transmitting the Tao, the are no accidents. The Fool appearing in response to this query is no accident.

The Fool signifies many things, among them, inspiration, fearlessness, infinite possibility; as well as facing into the incomprehensible fact of being human; the vastness of all that is possible when one is connected to Source; the sheer exhilaration and terror of navigating this journey called life.

Recently a woman at the treatment center I go to said I was brave. I don’t really understand that, in fact I often I bridle against such statements. For me the fact of being human is to be brave and takes courage for every one of us. What else am I to do now, in the face of this part of my journey, this journey with cancer, but step into the unknown of each new day? The Fool lives in me, and it is my life imperative to embrace this and my connection to Source for as long as it is available to me. When that connection ceases, the possibility of it and the desire for it, then I will, hopefully, have have the courage to step into the next unknown. This is, perhaps, a difficult transformative awareness.

For me the Fool awakens the experience of the delicate, almost imperceptible pause between the in breath and the out breath; it’s a little death embedded in every cycle of life giving breath. I think The Fool lives in this place. In that subtle and timeless space. Vast Timeless Breathless. Almost giddy with wonder; the wonder of the unknown, of what’s next; full of all possibility and none. The space between dark and light, between dreaming and waking, between life and death.

How does one live and continue to craft a life course when you don’t know if, or when, the shoe will suddenly drop again. The doctors and the western medical model fully expect it will at some point. How do I remain anchored in my life, my practices and beliefs that connect me to my inner knowing and to the belief that anything is possible, while I am in that medical environment? Two to five years is what they ascribe to people in my circumstance; I’m past the two year and halfway to the five year mark. I don’t want to fulfill a statistic, I have keep my wits about me and pray, in my own way, a lot. I touch a lot of garnet and jasper and smokey quartz is always nearby. I tell myself there is no reason I can’t defy the odds. I have had to summon The Fool a lot.

Through this year, there have been many waves. A deep crevasse last winter, a slow climb to some stability, then as spring began to blossom so did I. Everything is different, yet within the last few months I’ve had the chance to create again, and this is one of the most vital connections to life for me. Finally returning to Brooklyn, being nourished with the Moon Gatherings; my YouTube channel, Life Rhythms; putting together a small journal of my journey and now a wellness project with an old client. My pace is slower, but more anchored to this Source, longer periods where rhythm and ritual govern the day. I need connections that anchor me to life and creativity; to self expression, to my embodiment of the Fool, even more. This is the measure of my life, of being alive; not the numbers, the scans or a doctor’s ‘authority’. No one really has any authority; Source flows through or it doesn’t. The Fool is Source energy personified. Gestating, creating, engaging, waking each day to step into the unknown; a willing fool.



THE UNIVERSE- is your home; did you forget?

“Hence this life of yours which you are living is not merely a piece of the entire existence, but is in a certain sense the whole; only this whole is not so constituted that it can be surveyed in one single glance…Thus you can throw yourself flat on the ground, stretched out upon Mother Earth, with the certain conviction that you are one with her and she with you. You are as firmly established, as invulnerable as she, indeed a thousand times firmer and more invulnerable. As surely she will engulf you tomorrow, so surely will she bring you forth anew to new striving and suffering. And not merely ‘some day’: now, today, every day she is bringing you forth, not once but thousands upon thousands of times, just as every day she engulfs you a thousand times over. For eternally and always there is only now, one and the same now; the present is the only thing that has no end.”
– Erwin Schroedinger

This is our blip on the big screen; you and me and this thing we have named our life. This life we are living on this planet we have named Earth. This earth we live on that is in an orbit within the context of something we have named The Universe.

The Universe is such a big concept. What do you even begin to think about when someone mentions the universe? Earth, the planetary system, stars, the Sun, galaxies, the Milky Way, constellations, the Big Bang, black holes, meteors? All of it? None of it? How do we even begin to wrap the human mind around it? Within it? We are in it, it is within us. Joni Mitchell had it right when she crooned, ’we are stardust, we are golden” . Where to from here? A lot of questions, I know.

In the system of tarot, The Universe, represents the a moment of culmination, not so much along the lines of completing a transaction, a book, a painting or even a philosophical treatise; rather the completion of an aspect or particular path that we may have been on in our life journey. A large arc moment. It also suggests that said moment is likely one that is entwined with a purpose larger than yourself. An inter-stitching of self within the fabric of Gaia. To be met face to face with this type of moment on your life journey is indeed a fulfillment of grand proportions.

As I write this and, when I threw the Universe card last night, I will admit to being a little befuddled and somewhat overwhelmed. I even queried the deck twice more and the Universe came forward both times. I don’t know what happens ‘out there’, amidst those large arcs and ever widening ellipsis of things in this universe, of which we are a part. What I do see and sense and feel, with a sickening despair and sometimes rage, is that we are not really a part of this earth we inhabit, in fact I would find it more accurate to say we are APART from it. Distanced in almost every way possible. Amazon, Fresh Direct, texting, sexting, Tinder, swipe right/left Facebook, IG, all of it. And yes ‘we’ve’ been saying this for years, yet we keep leaning in this direction. The ‘we’ being those of us who ‘appear’ somewhat fringe to the establishment at hand, which is ABSURD, because I have the thought that there are very few people who have managed to extricate themselves from the necessities of the modern world, and those that do homestead, homeschool, re-wild and whatever, are often found cataloguing their experiences on social media for fuck’s sake. Look I’m not against it, entirely; I’m a part of it, entirely. Believe me, almost as soon as I post this on the site, for all 5 or maybe 30 of you to see, I’ll hook it up on Instagram and my Facebook page and what not. It’s more that throwing this card caused me to consider the Universe itself, more than the story it might elicit out of the pantheon of the Tarot.

Am I off topic? Forgive me.

Perhaps, as we are all hurtling through space on this little blue planet that we call ‘home’; as we are on this planet in this moment, careening toward the close of yet another year, as catalogued by the Gregorian calendar; we might actually hit pause on our personal ‘intentions’ and resolutions for 2018 and take a few moments to WONDER what the Universe actually is. Perhaps leaning into a more active relationship with it, through this process of wondering, we might actually start to consider the vastness of it all, the magic of it all, the almost improbability of our existence and how we even manage to stay alive in the face of all the destruction we create. I hate to suggest it but, putting band-aids on things doesn’t really do much anymore, we are kind of past that, cause we are all participating in it within the mind construct out of which the destruction grew. So I ask, how do we ‘stay with the trouble’ and wonder beyond it? I propose that The Universe card showed up to prod us, the 3 or 15 or 30 of us who might read this, to wonder BEYOND ourselves. We are stardust, but we are also finite within this corporal body we are inhabiting. It’s finite and therefore limits the possibilities of the mind.

This week I invite you to ponder making choices that reflect a consideration of the Large Arcs, to consider thinking from your Stardust body.

-We are stardust,we are a billion year old carbon,
we are golden
We just got caught up in some devil’s bargain
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

To some semblance of a garden.
– Joni Mitchell

The Hanged Man

IMG_4073Monday Mojo

THE HANGED MAN – get woke

Where are you on your spiritual journey? Most of us spend a good deal of time summing up, fretting over, hatching plans with regard to our ‘life purpose’ and where we are in relation to our career, relationship or material acquisition goals ( see The Devil ). When was the last time you really gave thought to your actual relationship with your spiritual path? I believe I can dive in the deep end because if you’re reading this you are likely seeking something beyond the daily tasks of life. I suggest this in the best of ways. We are All seekers, we’ve simply forgotten this along the way.

The appearance of the Hanged Man, just like Death, The Devil and The Tower, is not usually welcomed with open arms. It’s understandable, who willingly wants their world turned upside down? Really, though, these cards, and this one in particular, suggest something far more eloquent, and necessary, than a cursory read suggests.

The surrender that is implied with the Hanged Man, is a surrender to the part of you that seeks, the part of you that is likely the least attended to on a daily basis, the part of you that knows there is more to life than our material desires. Now, as I offered in last week’s Mojo centered on The Devil, I am in no way suggesting that these desires are ‘bad’, it isn’t a binary situation; it’s simply that we are at a point where it is necessary to cultivate our inner wealth. In order to do this we might have to turn things upside down once in a while, actually a little bit every day might be something to consider.

Think about it, what does it physically feel like to be upside down? If you practice asana you probably do something approaching this somewhat often; if you don’t engage in asana or some psycho-physical practice that invites you to get your head below your heart on some regular basis, then take a moment right now, while you are sitting to bow your head forward. Sit, or stand, with your legs apart, bend your knees if you are standing, and now slowly, bow your head forward and continue allowing the weight of your head to lead you, to bring your head and shoulders down between your legs. Remain there a few moments, say five to eight cycles of breath. To come out of this, back out the reverse of how you went in, rolling up through the spine, lifting the head last. Take a moment to register how you feel, beyond maybe a little light-headed. This is essentially a seated or standing forward bend. No, it is not exactly like going upside down, but any position that places the head below the heart physiologically and psychologically shifts our experience of life. Yes I just said that and I mean it.

The Hanged Man is asking us to bow our heads to our heart. To wake up to the intelligence of the heart, to listen to its counsel and to heed it. It doesn’t have to be a big spiritual trip, it might be something as simple as being mindful to offer gestures of kindness to your fellow humans. No matter what things look like from the outside, everyone, and I really mean EVERYONE, is bearing some struggle. How we each bear the weight of our struggle is in relation to our own human experience; someone else’s struggle may appear minor to your own, but the weight of it could be great for them. I am saying many ‘cliche’ things here, but I don’t give a shit, because it’s true, God/Goddess doesn’t give you more than you can bear, and likely, if your load is heavy it is because of the strength you have cultivated within yourself. Further, if you have the strength, it is likely that you are being called to serve others by letting go and letting loose of any binds that still hold you back from letting your heart lead the way. The Hanged Man is asking you to do that now. If, however, you are feeling weakened by your load, then it may be time to rest and let go of striving for all external things, now may be your time to rest and build your your own inner reserves. We are all here to give and to receive at different points on our journey. Our only real purpose, in case you are still searching for yours, is to serve and lift each other up.

Wherever you are right now on the spectrum of your journey, giving or receiving, The Hanged Man is asking you to let go of your striving and bow your head to the intelligence and wisdom of your heart. Feel your heart beating in your chest, your faithful servant is asking you to show others, even just one person, the way. It is not a sacrifice, as many read this card, for when you serve, act, give of yourself, from your heart, it is the deepest nourishment and the most enriching gift you will ever receive.

Who will you serve this week?