IMG_4465THE FOOL -the space between inhale and exhale

A query in one of the Instagram challenges I have engaged with this December asks: What has transformed in 2017? The card that came forward is The Fool.  As Grand Master Lu often reminded us, when transmitting the Tao, the are no accidents. The Fool appearing in response to this query is no accident.

The Fool signifies many things, among them, inspiration, fearlessness, infinite possibility; as well as facing into the incomprehensible fact of being human; the vastness of all that is possible when one is connected to Source; the sheer exhilaration and terror of navigating this journey called life.

Recently a woman at the treatment center I go to said I was brave. I don’t really understand that, in fact I often I bridle against such statements. For me the fact of being human is to be brave and takes courage for every one of us. What else am I to do now, in the face of this part of my journey, this journey with cancer, but step into the unknown of each new day? The Fool lives in me, and it is my life imperative to embrace this and my connection to Source for as long as it is available to me. When that connection ceases, the possibility of it and the desire for it, then I will, hopefully, have have the courage to step into the next unknown. This is, perhaps, a difficult transformative awareness.

For me the Fool awakens the experience of the delicate, almost imperceptible pause between the in breath and the out breath; it’s a little death embedded in every cycle of life giving breath. I think The Fool lives in this place. In that subtle and timeless space. Vast Timeless Breathless. Almost giddy with wonder; the wonder of the unknown, of what’s next; full of all possibility and none. The space between dark and light, between dreaming and waking, between life and death.

How does one live and continue to craft a life course when you don’t know if, or when, the shoe will suddenly drop again. The doctors and the western medical model fully expect it will at some point. How do I remain anchored in my life, my practices and beliefs that connect me to my inner knowing and to the belief that anything is possible, while I am in that medical environment? Two to five years is what they ascribe to people in my circumstance; I’m past the two year and halfway to the five year mark. I don’t want to fulfill a statistic, I have keep my wits about me and pray, in my own way, a lot. I touch a lot of garnet and jasper and smokey quartz is always nearby. I tell myself there is no reason I can’t defy the odds. I have had to summon The Fool a lot.

Through this year, there have been many waves. A deep crevasse last winter, a slow climb to some stability, then as spring began to blossom so did I. Everything is different, yet within the last few months I’ve had the chance to create again, and this is one of the most vital connections to life for me. Finally returning to Brooklyn, being nourished with the Moon Gatherings; my YouTube channel, Life Rhythms; putting together a small journal of my journey and now a wellness project with an old client. My pace is slower, but more anchored to this Source, longer periods where rhythm and ritual govern the day. I need connections that anchor me to life and creativity; to self expression, to my embodiment of the Fool, even more. This is the measure of my life, of being alive; not the numbers, the scans or a doctor’s ‘authority’. No one really has any authority; Source flows through or it doesn’t. The Fool is Source energy personified. Gestating, creating, engaging, waking each day to step into the unknown; a willing fool.

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